Technology, My Enemy [Part 1]

I often battle with technology. There are many times that we experience trails with everyday devices. The dysfunction of our phones, computers and garage door openers prevent us from accomplishing everyday tasks such as making calls, writing papers, and opening other people's garage doors. We complain about everyday struggles, but I think we should pay attention to the long term effects, which I believe to be unique to us all. Here are five ways technology is ruining my life:

1] I am uncertain about how to empty or otherwise operate recycle bins in real life. I have considered switching to wastebaskets, but I don't have much experience with their operating system.

2] I share with the world my innermost reflections about myself by means of an electronic journal known as a 'blog.' It is slowly eating away at my sense of identity as I conform with the masses. I have nightmare visions of the future. And sometimes I have nice dreams. I think that is all diet-related.

3] I missed the 'emoticon' acquisition phase of learning. So when I get a text that says Prty ths wknd <@:P I don't understand why a party this weekend would be less than at-colon-pee. At-colon-pee sounds < a party. I also think it is a real possibility that the less-than sign was a typo, and the party this weekend is At Colon P's, which is cool. Colin Powell must be a fan of my blog.

4] I am no longer right-handed or left-handed; it has been so long since I have hand-written that I am now ambisinistrous, the opposite of ambidextrous. While 'ambisinistrous' is obviously the most accurate word for my condition, it is not a part of most people's vernacular. Instead, they will try to say that I am uncoordinated and bad at basketball. They also make fun of me for using words like 'ambisinistrous' and will proceed to call me geeky and, for some reason, disparaging. Those jerks.

5] The stability of my friendships is at risk. I can't even imagine the consequences of butt-dialing someone on a gassy day.

Still, I have been advised to "keep my friends close and my enemies closer." So I hope you understand why I would rather sit at home on google.com searching for 'small talk' than actually have some with you.