Click the picture to see The Telegraph's article "Congressman says God will save us from climate change"
The Election
Position: The First Mover
Term: Beginning of Time -> Infinity
Election to Be Held: 1050ad; any local community center.
Original Petition and Argument for Position: As the position for First Mover may be held at a date before the creation of the universe, and as every mover must have been moved by another mover (a posteriori; laws of physics), an election must be held so that the First Mover did not just, you know, come out of nowhere.
Candidates
Hadrow P. Illstein: vegabond from southern Africa. He boiled water as a health service for villages, but the villagers always chased him away after burning the roofs of their mouths. He needs this job so that he can have a sense of duty for which he can't be exiled--as he says "I can't get kicked out the universe, I don't think. Anyway, I need this job."
God: vegabond from the fifth dimension or higher. Responsible for institutions such as 'religion,' the Jewish Community Center, and the Young Men's Christian Association. He has received some criticism for this, but as he says "You know, some people appreciate what I have done for the community. I just hope enough of them vote for me. I kid! I'm exciting for this opportunity, but Hadrow has a lot of strengths. We'll just have to wait and see. Oh, also, not only will I always be, but I also always have been, so I am a little better qualified to be President of Zimbabwe . . . oh this is for First Mover? I must have signed up at the wrong booth."
UPDATE
It all went by the wayside when Hadrow P. Illstein dropped out of the election, securing God's position as the First Mover. It's funny how that all worked out.
